What To Do When You Make a Parenting Mistake
Part of being a parent is making mistakes. There is just no way around it. As much as we lean into the Holy Spirit, pray for our kids, listen well, and love fiercely, we are still human. There are things we just won't get right. In fact, there are things we will get completely wrong and times we wish we could rewind and react differently. We need to apologize and own our weaknesses and keep on loving and living.
There is a woman at my church who I admire and her kids are all teenagers now. Whenever I see her she jokes about how she and her husband have always let their kids know that they are saving for their colleges as well as their therapy funds. She says, "I've always known that I'm not perfect and at least one ore more of them will need to see a counselor about me. Same goes for you. It's ok!" We laugh about it, but it's so true and it's so comforting to me.
You know what I would tell myself if I could go back to the earliest days of my parenting? I would say, stop thinking about all the ways you have fallen short or the times you've blown it. Apologize, yes. But then, move on and instead focus on one big idea:
LOVE MY CHILD DEEPLY.
Don't let a day go by without telling them how much I love them. Look deeply into their eyes. Snuggle in bed at night and ask them about their day. Listen and empathize. Wrestle them, start a tickle fight or marshmallow war, scribble a note in their lunch box. Notice special things about them to praise.
When I start to beat myself up about how I could be better, I take a deep breath and ask myself, “Does she know how loved she is by me?”
The answer is yes. And what's even more comforting than that is knowing that God's love can fill in the gaps. Only God's love covers over a multitude of sins.
Our kids don’t need a perfect parent. I mean, even Jesus’ parents made mistakes. At one point, they even lost him. Like, they lost the Son of God at a temple for three whole days! (Luke 2:41-52).
Nope, what our kids really need is a loving, repenting, and honest parent. A parent who isn’t afraid to say sorry or own up to her weaknesses. A parent who is becoming more like Jesus.
Only God’s love can cover a multitude of sins.
Here is a prayer asking God to cover the areas where we fall short.
God,
Here are my fears and concerns. (Write or share with Him any that come to mind). I confess to you that I did/said something that was unloving today. (Write or share with Him). Thank you that your love covers a multitude of sins. Thank you that you can fix anything. I believe you can take all of this and make it into something beautiful. Help me to move on in freedom today knowing how loved I am by you. Help me to love my family and all those around me out of the overflow of your love for me.
Amen