“I just really don’t want my kids to be entitled. Entitlement is the least attractive quality a person can have.”

Our very good friend and neighbor told my husband and me this one evening while we were talking about parenting and it really stuck with us. We now often ask each other, “how can we raise our kids so that they aren’t entitled?”

Our reality is that we live in an affluent community and our kids want for nothing. They have everything they need, and our kids don’t really understand wants and needs like some do because we are able to provide so much for them. It’s an incredible blessing that I do not take for granted. That being said, I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on this. Our kids are 4, 6, and 8...we’ve hardly raised them to be anything at this point. 

But I’ve found some really good resources and have some ideas that I think are helpful. This is a learning journey for me and I’m inviting you along.

TWO WAYS TO ADDRESS ENTITLEMENT

SERVE

We work hard to have a home that emphasizes service and giving. 

One of the major ways we do that is through Operation Christmas Child. My mom is an area director and so Operation Christmas Child is a year round conversation for our family. It is not uncommon for my kids to see something in the dollar section and say, “Mom! Wouldn’t this be awesome for shoeboxes?!” OCC does not have to be a fall and Christmas activity, if you buy items for boxes as they go on sale, you can save a lot of money, pack more boxes, and spend an entire year talking about giving in this way. My kids love helping my mom create school supply kits, wrap soap in washcloths, and pick out special stuffed animals and toys. At first it was hard for them to see things that they so excitedly picked out and put them in a box to ship across the world...but now...they love it! My middle son, Griffin, is the best shoebox packer. He LOVES creating themed boxes just for someone special. This year my oldest, Calvin, packed a blue themed box. He asked me to pray over it with him and he so very sweetly said, “Jesus, I packed a blue box. Please get this box to a little boy who loves blue.”

Recently, I took my kids to a local church to experience The Compassion Journey. We have sponsored a child for many years, but honestly, we haven’t talked about it much. We walked through this experience where the kids learned about poverty, how hard it is for some kids to go to school, and what Compassion International does. At the end, they were so excited to sponsor another child. It was a very hands on experience that helped them to understand why we sponsor kids. It’s a little heavy and intense sometimes, so I recommend it for older kids. You can find more information on their website.

We also love to serve our neighbors and friends by making meals, cards, and treats for them. Don’t underestimate the simple act of giving food! Kids love to help out by making and delivering the treats. It is a simple, but powerful way for kids to give in a tangible way. If you want a fun way to reward your kids when you catch them being kind, check out our kindness charts here.

JUST SAY NO

My kids are entitled to my protection, basic needs, my love, and most significantly God’s free and everlasting grace. However, my kids are not entitled to every toy they want, the latest gadgets, video games, or lavish gifts. It’s okay to say no to them.

In our house we try to limit gifts. Our kids get three gifts for Christmas (if three was enough for Jesus, it’s enough for my kids too) and they are generally not huge. There is always an exception, but we try to keep the focus away from gifts on Christmas. We don’t give a ton of birthday gifts either. Don’t get me wrong, I love buying presents, watching them open presents, and seeing their joy. I promise I’m not a scrooge and I also hold zero judgement towards those that fill their rooms with presents, this is just what we decided works for our family. 

In general, if my kids want a toy, they work for it. We print out a picture of what they want and put it next to their chore chart with a chart for them to track how much money they have earned. When they have earned enough, they get to go buy it!

RESOURCES

Connected Families

Sarah and I are both huge fans of Connected families. Their blog has many good articles about entitlement and if you like what you read, you can sign up for their online course!

Raising Entitled Kids? Here's How to Stop

Persistent Kids, Peers, and Pace of Life: Three Reasons Your Family Struggles with Entitlement

Are we Dealing Drugs to our Children? The Role of Dopamine in Entitlement

The Entitlement Fix: Growing Hard Work and Gratitude in Your Kids. A four session online course.

Books

Disclosure: We are affiliates for Amazon.com. We link products that we love and recommend, and purchasing through them provides us with a small commission that we put toward this ministry.

Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World by Kristen Welch is an incredibly practical book which gives parents tools for raising kids who are grateful and not entitled!

The Three Minute Gratitude Journal for kids is a fun way to help young kids practice thankfulness.

How Full is Your Bucket by Tom Rath and Mary Reckmeyer teaches kids to put themselves in other’s shoes. Thinking about how we affect others is another powerful tool to combat entitlement.